Independence Day Reflections: A Care Partner's Call to Conscious Resilience and Leadership

If anything, this free writing is a deeply held message and documentation for my young adult daughters, who are  serving others today and will not have the pleasure of seeing each other face-to-face.

 

I'm using social media as a vehicle to share some thoughts on what freedom means to me...

And challenge everyone to write letters or share thoughts on what freedom means beyond the constitutional definition, fostering a deeper human connection, dignity, and a way out of internal misery.

 

To anyone distraught today by the state of affairs in the United States:

I get it--at the same time, you might be entirely secretly annoyed by people spreading joy, or ready to slap those sharing heartfelt messages of ways out of awful situations, even if you are succeeding in trying to balance your posts with "spread kindness" reminders around your anger.

 

If you are annoyed, you might be saying:

Aren't they aware of the "horrors" unfolding?

 

If your brain were a character, it might shout:

 

As for those happy flies buzzing about, seemingly cheerful in a time of despair, you may want to consider this:

Flies are drawn to waste not because they love filth, but because it’s where they lay their eggs, where something new can begin. Strangely, the poop and the fly work together to serve a larger function.

 

So before you dismiss the ones flying freely in what looks like “happy-land,” consider: some of us are laying the groundwork, planting hope, purpose, and deeper insight, in the very mess we’re willing to walk through. Not on the surface. But in the depths.

 

And if you're willing to look beyond the headlines and lean into something more profound, you just might catch a scent of something other than misery that also works to relieve suffering.

 

The kind of eggs I'm laying, I think of as the seeding mechanisms that serve as a source of current and future food to nourish and grow the soul in rough soil, not as a poetic journey, but as a precisely purposeful option out of misery I can pass on to have repeated by others.

 

No, it's not a claim to say I have laid a golden egg and you'll be richer by listening to me--It's about being more attuned to the kind of buzzing you're bothered by.

 

Just imagine, for a moment, that annoying buzz of a happy-centered person you might see today--what could you possibly gain rather than shooing them aside?

 

You may even be secretly annoyed or rolling your eyes at me while reading this--and that's understandable.

 

We are judgmental humans, after all. And when we're in a state of anger, like so many I know are, it's quick for our brains to want to escape with what might make us uncomfortable or seem inappropriate.

 

Our brains are comfortable with the familiar. Many of us have become familiar with the feelings of misery and uncertainty since the pandemic.

 

So, is it any wonder we want to escape, even from our friends whom we might care about, and are not so fond of their absence when announcing the newest miserable news, or joining us at protests?

 

Part of feeling connected comes from our decision to exchange news of the latest suffering.

 

And I'm here to look into the mirror and see how checked out I might really be when I think I'm making a difference, but am living in self-suffering needlessly, and where my internal health is screaming to pay attention, and where I'm headed for potential existential disaster.

 

That's nowhere near the same as the kind of burnout discussions we're used to. I'm surrounded by people who are choosing to dive into the truth about what they are numbing themselves with, while at the same time fiercely fighting for changes they say matter most to them.

 

Two forces that aren't compatible, as they are discovering.

 

People in despair might need more in the way of mental health support, and I am also clear on what role I play in these strange and scary times that might be helpful.

 

First, allow me to offer this:

BTW, I will not be the first to share this quote today from a man under the most unimaginable circumstances, Viktor Frankl...and if you see it pass by, please pause to reflect on the action with yourself vs. inspiration:

 

— Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

 

If you're unfamiliar with his story, there was no food or drink available--a case of purposeful starvation and human dignity destroyed, so yes, it's a story of the worst kind--withering away, every manner of hope stripped away--or so you would conclude.

 

Without any reason to believe beyond being convinced of inevitable death, we also must consider what we're killing on the inside.

 

Because even if it's true this "country is dead", are we really prepared to pay forward the message to our children that we may as well lie down and die, too?

 

Are they not confused that we are also preaching kindness? What's the point?

 

Many people today, on Independence Day, are screaming that death has come to our country (the United States of America), and it isn't even lunchtime as I write this.

 

And yet--how many of us will be tuned in to really examine what people like Viktor Frankl have learned and what that examination might mean for our souls today, and in our quest to create meaningful change?

 

Let's say we do grab onto his survival wisdom, in surface-level platitude, to even share it.

Often, it's a temporary association, not in any way a deep expression we're willing to step into and consider for ourselves around our survival story--how much more can I do than just be angry and report on matters throughout the day to be sure no one's out of the loop of devastation occuring?

 

A Freedom Within journey is no less grueling a task than consistent reminders not to forget what's happening to our world: that it's being torn apart, leaving people dead or with broken hearts, and worse, with seemingly so many who couldn't care less about your cries of empathy.

That's the most discouraging play on our attempts to fight for our idea of freedom.

 

However, if you believe you are a leader in what you stand for, remember this: horrors unfolding and the quest for a harmonious internal life aren't mutually exclusive.

 

Fostering harmonious action within is essential, not merely as a matter of opinion, but for the sustainability of mental health in the changes we wish to see.

 

To decide to see how you might raise your internal hive from harried reporter and burnout, from a hazardous march for someone's rights, into harmonious centeredness, doesn't mean you are ignoring the horrors, just as Viktor Frankl didn't ignore his.

 

It's about how we are operating in existence with them...

 

And yet, it's understandable that those of us who take a stand based on what we feel and believe is necessary to protect vulnerable populations might not want to steer toward messages of generating internal harmony these days.

 

Why?

 

Because none of us wants to appear the annoying happy fly--it might make us seem like we don't care, or that we are someone in denial of reality.

 

And we wouldn't want that!

 

That perspective,( I dare say), is not necessarily our empathy at play, but a fearful ego shining brightly--fear of judgment ringing in the background of how we wish to be perceived. Kind, caring, and respectful of human dignity.

 

There's an unspoken human understanding of the inevitability of criticism for what you share that might appear to be a teacher or a coach, doing your best to encourage inner peace efforts amidst what we have determined to be darkness.

 

And for the reasons mentioned above, you may come to a place of relieving any self-consciousness attached and consider whether you have an attachment to reputation over emotional regulation, particularly in terms of where you stand.

 

Or, you might have a fear of judgment, as I mentioned, which is what most of us (myself included) experience repeatedly and need to be aware of once more to process and regulate.

.

If you genuinely believe we are in a horrific state of survival circumstances, staying in the FIGHT-FREEZE response is the enemy at hand, not anyone else's fault, and certainly isn't going to help us achieve our vision of sustainable energy to help others.

 

I can tell you this, as someone who is intentionally laying eggs in a pile of the same undeniable sh** being dumped, which you are simultaneously standing in, according to your values, I serve as a source of current and future food that can help myself and future humans. You're welcome to join and help me grow this kind of community culture.

 

It's a much better way to use my voice, and to raise myself without so much cramping and muscle soreness in my soul when things I see make me collapse.

 

Yes, I am compensated for the work I do under the title of coach. And when you engage in my work, you can choose to pay me for assistance or join my mission, as well as the missions of many other people who likely share your values but approach them in different ways.

 

The issue with sharing surface-level platitudes is that if we choose to try to balance our disgust with kindness reminders, we're likely to fall back into a pattern of being overly critical and insufferably contradictory to where we say we want to lead.

 

Yes, life is full of internal contradictions.

Kindness messages definitely hold value alongside chaos.

 

However, when that chaos turns to a conviction that "we're dead as a country", then what purpose do I have to be kind anymore?

 

I might easily trap myself into believing there's no point to kindness in such chaotic times and live not as a happy fly buzzing about, trying to lay food for our souls in shitty circumstances, but rather become the stinging bee with no sense of purpose, to pollinate for the sake of new life.

 

And it's by no means a defensive criticism of you on my end.

 

These are my sincere, free-flowing thoughts in self-examination with myself as much as I share with my children or anyone reading this.

 

It's a frank discussion about self-exploration in our communication and expression, as well as in cultivating emotional fitness with what matters to us.

 

I genuinely believe it is the missing conversation these days that's keeping us in heavy sighs and misery, feeling unbelievably paralyzed, angry, and having no way to truly process what we're going through, let alone create movement in the direction we yearn for.

 

I challenge myself everyday to stay tuned in to not only the world reports (thanks to some of my friends reading this), but I'm intensely focused on the resilient-focused happy-toned flies buzzing about, delivering intentional messages and actionable connection around the wisdom they've gained through shitty unimaginable atrocities...

 

Not as random inspirational hits throughout my day, but in concentrated contemplation with what I find...

 

And I could greatly benefit from you sharing more of your wisdom, as well as practical actions on how to navigate these emotional complexities.

 

I never feel I have all the answers, and I never want to preach, but rather to reach each other in a genuine human connection beyond our misery measures.

 

This is how I remind myself of the humanity and purposeful action beyond fight-mode that I can help create a difference.

 

These happy flies laying wisdom-filled eggs are the people I grab onto--they are intentionally primed to help feed my soul today, and in the days ahead.

 

Not in platitude motion, but in purposeful execution of how to not only survive, but feel alive and vibrant despite circumstances.

 

And in that soul-generating fashion, I'm more likely to attract curiosity in those who aren't annoyed by my buzzing, and want some support out of an internal well of discouragement or despair.

 

I rise, not through toxic positivity, but in real-life presence with what truly matters to me, around my values, morals, and my understanding of influence with responsibility and care.

 

Sometimes, the unimaginable cage we're caught in is due to things like whole-body paralysis or being dependent on a breathing machine for life, which can force us to discover what freedom within means — if we make the decision.

 

While that storyline is part of my life experience, involving someone in that position, and which I draw from often, as the primary care partner, I know it's not the only reference point that matters.

 

It matters that it has made a difference in the life of my soul, connecting with lessons I can now pass on in the form of refined resilience beyond mere survival.

 

I've spent two decades behind the scenes with the sh** show inside of myself, learning inner freedom--far longer than Viktor Frankl, who had to come to his access to inner freedom during external madness and existential crisis.

 

Many people today are saying, "Time is up for America."

 

And if I take wisdom from a man who was likely in line to die next at the hands of murderers, only to find peace and fulfillment, I'd rather not use the excuse that "time's up" and we're "screwed" forever.

 

And that is the challenge today. To not give up and think the only power we have is to be the reporters on the social media stage, mixed with contradictory kindness messages to ensure we aren't seen as careless.

 

I want to welcome and invite the seemingly happy flies buzzing about, who are not simply spreading joy, but systematically laying eggs to nourish us. Instead of shooing them away, even in times when I'm tempted, it's a generational responsibility to engage.

 

There is no plea on my part to get anyone to follow me, least of all my children. We are still FREE in this country, and everywhere in the world to think for ourselves. We just need to believe in that as strongly as we are fierce about our constitutional rights.

 

No one can take away the voice within that can mean the difference between living a fulfilled life and a frustrated daily connection with it, even as death might be staring you in the face.

 

As a person who is (sort of, by way of online standards) influential in social media presence in the realm of resilience and fulfillment, I've been criticized for not using my voice to address the kinds of horrible things they believe I should speak about.

 

I appreciate that people who walk with me see my voice as valuable in the landscape of what one person called "despair overload". A miserable experience beyond emotional exhaustion.

 

I am, first and foremost, a writer, and then a speaker on topics that matter. Not because I like the spotlight or seek recognition.

 

And I do agree, sometimes we need to put ourselves in the spotlight more frequently...but I'm not here in the ways people imagine I should be, shouting, coming up with a speech, or even joining them in the streets holding a sign (which I have regularly declined).

 

I have a responsibility with my voice and written word, that is true.

And I, for one, am not in a position to be an up-to-date reporter on things that are undeniably horrific in contrast with my values, standards, morals, and choices for behaving on this planet.

It's just as essential for each of us to know our role at any given time, which in turn supports the collective.

 

For now, that comes in the form of a podcast I launched quietly this month to the communities that want depth over distraction.

 

I am neither a traditional educator nor an entertainer. I am on an eternal journey of curiosity about what people are struggling with, and I want to walk with them beyond their prayers, which is also part of my self-care program to keep myself in check.

 

And when it comes to being a caregiver/care partner, there is such a thing as doing it without unnecessary internal depletion, I can promise you that, if you genuinely want it.

 

We all have roles to play, and I have chosen mine, working with my character, and show up where I might best make a difference based on the whole of my skills, knowledge, and desire for expression, not as a fixed personality set of strengths, but as the #1 human opportunity to keep in flexibility.

 

It's my experience and background in theatre that I find valuable and applicable--and every actor knows this: every play, every act, every scene contains drama and tension. That is the inevitable script across life. And that in itself is a certainty to count on and work with.

 

After all, another word for life is UNCERTAINTY.

 

MY focus is this:

Just because I have a voice doesn't mean it's the most useful as a reporter, or to reinforce the message that terrible things are happening, so we ensure we don't forget.

 

With so many of us living in emotional detachment from ourselves, it is the easiest way to forget, so our attempts to have others "remember" may prove disappointing.

 

And your voice as a reporter might need to take a step down in favor of a role that best expresses your gifts and assists humanity.

 

If my young adult daughters are reading this: Don't just use your voice.

 

Ask yourself:

 

I lead with empathy, not because I claim to be an empath. But because it doesn't take a lot of wisdom, merely awareness to see we are standing in an empathetic desert.

 

And I know that it requires more than just telling everyone how awful things are, and my heart is breaking to exercise the kind of empathy I dream of.

 

My preferred form of expression honors what I've learned: that empathy doesn't have to include loud shouts during my moments of anger.

 

I can offer a different kind of space, again, for those who decide for themselves that my buzzing has a purpose that might yield fruit in disastrous conditions.

 

And that is where I commit to my work--with people who claim the title leader not as an academic achievement, but as a highly responsible and meaningful role that has nothing to do with awards, likes, or proof of intelligence to handle leadership.

 

To be clear: None of what I say is to defend myself against my critics. And that doesn't make me a careless person about what other people think of my expression, either.

 

We all need critics — if we're in high intentional awareness of life's potential, their presence forces us to once again self-examine and see whether our convictions are helpful or harmful.

Only then can we live in true expression of what we stand for, no longer in denial, perhaps of how much our anger isn't helping.

 

I don't care to dismiss every critic--they do have a purpose and can prove to be another growth opportunity!

 

As responsible humans who claim to care, we must also discern where our particular voice can be most effective to create the kinds of changes we want to see.

 

For me, early on in adulthood, I somehow became a person others rely on for emotional support in situations beyond their control.

 

And yet, it wasn't until I learned how to depend on myself that I was able to appreciate those gestures of trust in me, which helped guide someone in mutually beneficial ways, not just as an act of self-depleting empathy because I care so much.

 

Acceptance of a label of the one in "strong undying support for others" is what you may wish to refer to as (or call it whatever you want), the precise internal divine opportunity to take hold of empathy beyond angry connection.

 

It's an opportune time that makes sense to enhance your skills in communication, emotional fitness, and self-love (which doesn't have to make you wretch), but will most certainly require you to stretch beyond your comfort zone to grow.

 

It's not a "now more than ever" season of life that's the reason we need to make change — it's the ongoing human need to evolve into a higher state of conscious awareness, regardless of the season, because suffering is inevitable.

 

This isn't a message to listen to because I say so, and not as some "coachy" or preachy message for you to either latch onto or dismiss.

 

Our ability to access and regenerate inner freedom moves us beyond our prayers, and pissed off attitudes, into presence without denial, and quite frankly, back into motion with prefrontal cortex ignition--the ability to think straight!

 

We cannot biologically think straight, not as a matter of opinion, but through neuroscience, when we're revved up and in constant fight mode, and fight-messaging.

 

Many of us are not learning about ourselves because we've attached some selfish, non-valuable idea around it.

 

We'd rather show our worth through awards and certifications than discuss human connection, yuck!

 

We'd rather stick to telling the world who's hurt us if it means we don't have to examine how we're hurting ourselves.

 

We want people to see us as refined examples of grace and gratitude.

The kind and gentle ones--in defense of those whose dignity is being toyed with--and yet, these are some of the same people who have skipped out on their promise to care for an elderly parent, because, well, it's just too "messy" being around such a person.

 

Meanwhile, is that not an elderly person worthy of at least some support with logistics to ensure they aren't suffering?

 

We owe no one our attention--and yet, it's a hypocritical stance to pay fierce attention to elderly strangers--and the easy fight that makes us look good.

 

And yet, here some of us are, pointing the hypocritical finger at others.

 

Am I being too harsh?

Are you even still reading this?

 

If so, I know that if you're stung in the least by any reflection here, I've been there. Because I'm the same human designed to want to escape any pain I might be responsible for.

 

Perhaps we love to share certifications of the latest things we've learned to demonstrate our intelligence in comparison to our perceived adversaries — as a warrior's badge of our competence to fight, fight, fight, for what we believe.

 

No frequent message about what we've learned in human connection that might be actionable and help people we say we care about.

 

And what does that do for us in the way of human connection? I'm not sure.

 

And maybe something to maybe pick your brain about and tug at your heart a little to see what it resonates with you...

 

On the other hand, as I've shared often this year from one study published in Science:

In one scientific experiment, 67% of men and 25% of women chose to have an electric shock delivered to their ankle over sitting with themselves for just fifteen minutes without distraction.

 

Sitting in quiet solitude is not as easy as we claim, as evidenced by this study, and even as your self-honesty might reveal.

 

Being honest with oneself is a daunting adventure — and one we aren't often willing to undertake. It's a much cozier place talking about everyone else's scary adventures.

 

There's no happy grade A or award when we find out that people might not see us as so much fun when we finally get honest and make changes for freedom within.

 

As a side note, I quit drinking last year. Not because (thankfully) I've got a biological addiction. But because I had to get honest--I was using alcohol to numb myself around certain people.

 

It was beginning to affect every aspect of my presence — and now, after many months, I feel like an entirely reborn and robust version of myself, able to think clearly and stand in a higher position, with physical and mental strength to make a difference.

 

It's interesting the people who disappear, that were once all too cheery to go to lunch with you, now suddenly busy--these are the risks of getting self-honest, to try to regain where imbalances exist and what we do have control over (unless you have an addiction which 100% requires professional or medical assistance).

 

But, I digress...

 

As I said, I am a decidedly happy fly--laying eggs on this Independence Day in America, and that might annoy some people. And why not join me and others like me to be that annoying figure!

 

I've gone on and on today, perhaps losing many readers who aren't accustomed to maintaining attention span or find this talk doesn't suit their taste...

 

And yet, I know that buzzing about doesn't make me someone who ignores bad things because my focus is on elevating our human side through what I view as a horror show.

 

On the other hand, speaking of horrors...

It turns out that for some people, horror serves as a particular turn-on.

 

And this is an essential point in how we as humans operate:

I recently met someone who said to our group that they purposely seek out horror movies because it lights them up — and while some people might call that strange, it's one way to make you FEEL again, when the rest of life you're busy trying to be numb--to not want to face reality, or too scared to hold a tough conversation. A fictional character wielding an ax is a much safer scary position to choose, and a way to emotionally express!

 

We do plenty of things others think aren't healthy to FEEL ALIVE--because generally speaking, we're in the habit of numbing ourselves. How much do we examine ourselves?

Shouting and screaming, yes, can create necessary movement away from abusive actions taking place.

 

And it's also one way to grow sicker in STRESS and feel undeniably dead inside when we aren't revved up, only to repeat the cycle again, our internal form of abuse against ourselves.

Drinking, for example, can help some people "calm down", yes, and also drastically increase our anxiety.

 

Far worse than any freedom someone or some circumstance has stripped from us is the inability to cultivate freedom within--and away from our current coping mechanisms.

 

It is neither toxic positivity nor attempts to get you to listen to me by sharing thoughts that might take someone out of a shit-show and into a sacred walk with themselves.

 

I'm here for those who are decidedly shifting their awareness in the direction of the idea that the happy flies buzzing about social media have as much purpose as the ones holding angry signs.

And when they pay attention, they discover that the underserved, vulnerable populations are more thoroughly cared for beyond just screaming in defense.

 

Many people are in an uproar over upcoming changes to our medicaid insurance benefits that will compromise many in the elderly population and those physically compromised.

I've taken care of many elderly and physically compromised people in my position as a caregiver, both professionally and personally.

 

I can tell you emphatically that what they need isn't another person marching at this time as the only way we can express anger and be helpful to move this into humane territory (if our belief is that it is inhumane).

 

Those severely compromised need people who are ready to stand in the raw territory to lend a hand, with a plan, when social services have been cut off.

 

It's an interesting message to see repeated: "You knew who you voted for and you are to blame for the shit being dumped."

 

Okay, then what?

 

At the same time, if you're on that message, what plan could you impart beyond what's been stripped away to make a difference in the lives of people directly affected?

 

I don't pretend to know--and have only my plans around it to share, which is this:

How many elderly people in your neighborhood could you be helping today, to create a meal plan if their Meals on Wheels gets stripped, for example, to find out what they really need in logistics?

 

Where are the photos of what we, the people, are doing beyond marches? I'm not seeing a lot of them--and I have a pulse on it.

 

We ARE the people, and therefore need to step into new styles of leadership. Because if you truly believe "it's over", it's the only solution.

 

Find out: who precisely in your neighborhood has been stripped of medical insurance?

 

What local caregivers might be willing to carry and exchange volunteer shifts, as many will be out of work in home care agencies, whose clients' medicaid benefits have been stripped.

 

If I'm screaming about anything, it's this: Get creative! Get creative! Get creative!

 

And if you insist you're not "the creative type", gather the creatives in your community, lead the mission, and let's ensure that vulnerable populations are not just taken care of but empowered to lead with confidence despite their dire circumstances, and to not let anyone's spirit die!

 

There are many paths to winning a fight; we might say we're willing to die for--today.

 

And the question is: Why are we insistent on killing ourselves in the process of the fight?

Why are we not looking in our backyards more often to see who needs help beyond the "entire country's going to hell" perception?

 

Again, please post your photos of ideas, because we all need to band together now and make these things happen.

 

Let's acknowledge this:

For many of us, our thinking brains are in a persistent state of freeze mode.

And we can't think straight.

 

And I'm not criticizing; I'm simply putting a pulse on what we might all do better together today.

 

And in our fight for others, how often do we ever consider the FIGHT-FREEZE response in our neuro-biological makeup as a fierce enemy in our desire to fight?

 

This is no longer a discussion we need to have about "the danger of burnout". People are in severe disconnect in their relationships and suffering greatly.

 

We're in a social media frenzy, slapping ourselves and others with daily reports on world news.

Many of us are tormented by the suffering unfolding, and we fear or have manifested the internalized permanence that there is nothing we can do.

 

Based on the happy flies buzzing, and laying down "eggs" to help build my inner freedom now and in the future, I am thinking and operating in new ways that feed my soul and make me a more available partner to those closest to me.

 

And it might help us to recall that it is the ever-present human story of suffering that exists.

And therefore, remember, as "unprecedented" as this time might seem, it shouldn't be a surprise based on human nature and history.

 

And if there's any report, I'll give it this good news:

Knowing unfairness will always exist, and suffering stands as an ever-present human experience, it provides us with the choice to decide:

Is it a valuable necessity for me today to build inner freedom?

 

If so, why? If not, why?

 

We are NOT, by my understanding of history, suddenly dead because someone else is pulling the strings.

 

It is not a poetic attempt to tug at your heart today, but rather to acknowledge that the only string left is you, to pull back into yourself with honesty and reflection as an essential part of the collective force that lessens suffering.

 

This is the only way I know how to use my voice most helpfully this season and many before--and you can be sure that Viktor Frankl and other wise people over time live in me, not as a quote, but the actionable hope I might feel is lost.

 

Cultivating inner freedom is a practice. And it has to matter to you to do anything.

Without self-connection and trust, my only role would be as an annoying fly without purpose. And that would stink in addition to any poo I might be standing in.

 

If you're yearning for human connection and recognize my work as an opportunity for you to decide where you'd like to engage with it, check out my latest podcast episode.

 

The only way I know to help change lives for the better is to be consistent and courageous in my own change...

 

May this and other episodes attached to this brain dump not only inspire you but also empower you to overcome any unconscious freeze response you may not be aware of.

 

Happy Independence Day -Because you decide it is.

 

Your friend,

Amy

 

 A Return to Freedom Within: When the Freeze Response Isn’t a Mindset Problem~What Christopher Reeve's spirit and work taught me in real-time, beyond my prayers, after breaking his neck weeks before my boyfriend broke his, and being dependent on ventilators.

It is my story of intense return to the #1 way to overcome feeling imprisoned and having no way out. And which could help you avoid an existential crisis today.