The Downside to Delegation

 How is it possible to finally have a support system, only to still feel miserable? 

I'll never forget the exciting day I was able to hire a full-time housekeeper--a goal I'd set for many years!

PHEWWWW! 

It felt like a key to freedom from frustration! 

A next level of relief would surely help me become a less irritable, more cheerful, calm mom, wife, caregiver, and entrepreneur.

Back to that story in a moment...

Sure, handing tasks over to others can be an effective strategy to relieve stress and relieve you of some time constraints...

 I value and appreciate my virtual assistant (Jen May with Precious Solution)

And yes, you DO NEED TO ASK FOR HELP if you haven't done so already...

As Jack Canfield has said, "Learn to be an Ask-hole."

But, what if...

You've decided to delegate, gained back those two hours in your day, you've hired more employees and yet you continue to: 

Fake a smile...

Doze off repeatedly throughout the day--you don't have a narcoleptic condition...

Your old friend Guilt crawls out from under your pillow to mock your despair and call you ungrateful since you have everything you could dream of...

If the sting of shame erupts while you're buttering the kid's toast...

Could it be because you spent another 1/2 hour of the hours you gained back when your housekeeper showed up to cry in the bathroom instead of connecting with your kids, spouse, or clients...

The delegation of tasks hasn't freed you from frustration...

Instead, you're locked in the same quiet despair you've been suffering...

If your path has been anything like mine, chances are, even with some valuable help in place, you don't like who you've become at the moment--and that feeling sucks!

So, what can you do about it? 

First, recognize that delegation is not a strategy to overcome the deeper despairs you feel about how you're operating on your own...

As I was saying...I'll never forget the exciting day I was able to hire a full-time housekeeper--a goal I'd set for many years. 

PHEWWWW! 

It felt like a key to FREEDOM from frustration! A next level of relief would surely help me become a less irritable, more cheerful, calm mom, wife, caregiver, and entrepreneur.

If you don't know my background...

At that time, I was more than a decade in as a full-time caregiver to my husband (a C-5 quadriplegic injured veteran--an accident that occurred while on active duty and while we were in the dating phase). 

I was also a mom of tiny twin daughters--

It was a biological blessing for us after doctors said it was likely an impossible dream to be parents to a biological child. This dream came alive after a few very painful and failed IVF procedures. 

We chose to pave our path after many people (including medical professionals) criticized us for even THINKING a disabled person has any business raising a child. One woman with three biological children of her own said I was selfish not to think about adoption as an option to realize my dream of becoming a parent...Hmmm

Anyway... now that you're caught up in that season of my life...

I dare say, what I found after hiring my housekeeper was that I was still stressed, yanking my hair out when no one was looking, and losing, NOT gaining sleep...

Why? 

Turns out...Task delegation is not the cure for what's going on inside of you--and the family is still at risk of collapse no matter how clean your kitchen or desktop...

YES...it is essential to get help in the way of task-sharing and hiring...

And it's damaging to think delegating tasks is the 'freedom from frustration card' 

Before I go on...I want to talk about YOU for a moment...

If you're reading this, chances are, you're on a path less traveled--

A path very few of your close friends or family 'understand' or could imagine embarking on...(and probably have said so to your face more than a few times).

You'll likely relate to this if you are:

The entrepreneur, raising a family--OR if not a parent, doing your work to develop and lead teams and help others rise in the mission to create a positive impact in the world...

Like me, you may even be a caregiver to an ill spouse or relative in addition to all of this...

You're not a job holder--

You're a builder of a passionate lifestyle WITHOUT a vision to retire, as most people imagine themselves...

You have all the gusto and gumption (no matter outside criticism) to make a world impact that will last for generations...crazy you!

You do not resonate with a TGIF lifestyle--not because you turn your nose down to it, but because you've been there, and it doesn't work for you...

You're well paid and you don't apologize for it because this is your life's work to empower others, it is not your volunteer position...

You value rest and recreation, but it is not your desire to lie on the beach and play golf for the rest of your life once you hit sixty-five--

This is your life's work...not a job set to expire...

ABOUT DELEGATION...

I know if that's you, there's a point at which you have dreamed about or recognized the need to delegate in your life or business---

I can guess it's so you can reach that feeling of INNER PEACE on your path!...

Maybe you've got the housekeeper, nanny, and virtual assistant already (I had that once)...

BUT... even with the time you've gained back...

you're often burned out..

feel unsexy...

and not the least bit savvy...

If you don't already have it, you're dreaming of a community of people who can relate to your situation...

Is any of this YOU?

It is an understatement to say that it's tough to admit where you're fLailing or failing! 

It's an overstatement (and a dishonest report) to say we're above feeling insecure at times because we've crushed it in life and business and succeeded beyond our wildest dreams--

Still, it's confusing to feel that even with help from others--even amid successful motion forward, why we might be feeling miserable...

We who choose or are called to a path less traveled aren't all negatively rebellious as some might describe or romantic about our misery...

I would say we are passionately ambitious--and rambunctious to create meaningful changes in the world.

Ever noticed how that rambunctious, ambitious energy can sometimes steer us into miserable internal suffering?!

Is it any wonder that "72% of entrepreneurs are directly or indirectly affected by mental health issues, compared to 48% of non-entrepreneurs"? (source Spotify).

My tough journey unfolded as a two-decade caregiver, wife, mom, and entrepreneur and later divorced single mom, co-parent, and continuing entrepreneur...Today I'm remarried...

I share all of this because, like you, life has taken me in many directions...and with a new year and season upon us, we are bound to experience new and challenging internal woes...

If your strategy is to delegate to relieve stress--keep doing that!

If you're thinking this is your freedom from overwhelming frustration card you may find yourself crying into your pillow...

My life's work came out of a conscious choice to create changes on the inside...

My change didn't come because I suddenly gained two hours of extra time...

My decision came after the price of huge collapses in my body, mind, and spirit...

I don't want this to happen to you! And if it already has, I don't want it to happen to you again!

I forged a twenty-seven-year path of eclectic study, discovery, and progression around how to build myself (and others) stronger--even in the face of die-hard depression...

and I assure you...I DID NOT automatically grow stronger just because my incredibly stressful life circumstances didn't kill me!

I trained and hired many people in my caregiving days--and even with enough care in place, I broke down more times than I can count...

Can you relate to this?!

Perseverance doesn't have to come at the price of your health or relationships...there is another level beyond resilience that most people aren't educated and trained in...

It's been twenty-seven years of what I affectionately refer to as a Meaningful Mess Journey--

Each day for me holds purpose, and each day guarantees a level of mad persistence and passion I wouldn't trade for anything! 

And I know, although the details of our lives may be different, this story is YOUR story--am I right?!

If your path less traveled has you coming unraveled even after you've gotten help on tasks or hired a new team...

Instead of trying to convince yourself you shouldn't feel this way because your dream was answered to get help..instead of suffering in silence, I challenge you to ask yourself: 

Is how I operate presently putting my health, happiness, family, and business at risk of collapse? If the answer is YES and you're tired of feeling locked in silent guilt or shame, contact me...I'm not interested in helping you create internal change; I'm committed. Are you?