Beyond One Solution: Embracing Life’s Unpredictable Challenges and the Healing Process

I recently heard a woman on a podcast describe her guest appearance on another podcast and her experience with the host’s response to her story. 

As I recall, according to the guest, the host said several times, “You should be done healing by now.” The guest, understandably rattled, stuck it out and will said she would not forget the feeling of invalidation and non-connection around sensitive topics.

Let me be clear: this isn’t about shaming the host, nor insisting we must always avoid offense. We’re human. We get it wrong. And sometimes we miss each other entirely.

But this story stayed with me because it highlights something subtle and important: how quickly a conversation can close instead of open—and how much power we hold in the intention behind our dialogue.

You don’t have to be a licensed practitioner to pause and reflect on how we engage with others—especially when the conversation involves pain or vulnerability.

Before we speak, what would it look like to ask ourselves:
“Is this conversation about proving something—or connecting over something?”
“Am I here to declare…or to discover?”

Not as a way to control the outcome, but as a practice of curiosity, emotional presence, and shared respect.

I’ve noticed a recurring message delivered by well-meaning practitioners with what can feel like a tone of superiority. And it may be causing unseen damage.

This year, I’m curious about these new messages from those who claim to have “THE answer” to emotional complexities through a method or practice, closing the book on any healing we might need to do. 

In everyday life, are we aware when our enthusiasm sends the unspoken message: “My way or the highway”? And if so, does that matter?

I want to pause to add this thought: Many people say, "God and prayer is my only answer to life's challenges." Here, I'm speaking directly to the fact that we are relational beings and if we want to thrive in human relationships we can aid ourselves proactively alongside our prayers. 

I respect the intent behind a recent post that aims to help people feel less constrained by self-improvement methods that promote constant up-leveling as a requirement for success.

Questioning practices that lead us to measure ourselves constantly can be valuable, especially when those practices imply we need to be “fixed.”

That said, coaches trained in sophisticated communication and high-integrity support help clients create meaningful change based on their definitions of success, not because they see them as broken. 

To suggest otherwise may be a misleading oversimplification. While it’s fair to critique approaches that lack nuance, it’s equally important not to claim that all growth work is rooted in a need to “fix” people. Many of us are supporting transformation by expanding capacity, not by reinforcing the idea that something is inherently wrong.

And my question is: How is a one-time quick-answer solution to healing not a fix-it message?

One message I’ve heard is that there is a “closed chapter” opportunity to end the healing from trauma through hypnosis—period and end of story—while actively dismissing the growth opportunities that have transformed people’s lives through the inner connection process and marked measurement around healing and fulfillment beyond traumatic experiences. 

A recent conversation invitation from a fellow practitioner—someone who proposed partnering on a podcast—brought this philosophical divide into sharp focus. While I deeply respect this person’s desire to help others, their belief that a single method could serve as the “final chapter” in healing reminded me how vital it is to consider values when collaborating.

In a world overflowing with healing modalities, I fully understand the excitement that can come from discovering a method that truly works—for ourselves, and often, for our clients. That kind of clarity can feel like gold.

But there’s also a quiet kind of wisdom that honors the lineage we come from—the teachers, researchers, and practitioners who devoted decades to understanding human transformation. 

While we might still insist our method is “the best” relative to the market, we can still make honest claims about our experience without tearing other methods down. We can still meet a goal to have people trust that they are not inherently “broken” without breaking ties with different strategies that support people.

Pain From The Past Remains an Open Book With a Purpose 

Even a long-ago broken bone can bring us pain reminders when our bodies are inflamed. To this day, I experience shoulder pain from the time I dislocated it in a boat accident when I was sixteen. 

Physical traumas can exist for a lifetime, and each time I feel a wince, I’m appreciative of how life can flip just as fast as the boat did and how I almost lost my life. It also reminds me to slow down and reposition my arm while lifting weights so that I don’t do further damage.

All to say this: Pain to me is not a closed-chapter event in all cases and can be helpful as a tool of appreciation for life and choices we’re making at present. Physical traumatic injuries can be beneficial support partners if we decide they serve a purpose.

The same is true for our emotional life. Respecting the presence of pain helps us discern whether it’s time to rest, or to reposition how we’re moving through life.

One Smart Connection to Healing

While it’s possible to overcome trauma without it weighing us down so that it feels “done,” I turn to the essence of wisdom from Elizabeth Smart, whom I met at a conference years ago and who was horrifically abused at an early age. 

Her wisdom teaches us that healing is about continuously honoring where we are in the present and growing with purpose, a never-ending active process to honor and respect, and only the beginning of many opportunities to grow, expand, and transform.

She conveys, powerfully, that we are not permanently broken, and she honors the value of having multiple support systems on the healing journey.

While I deeply respect the efforts of those sharing methods to help others find peace and healing, my goal here is to open up the conversation around the ongoing nature of growth and healing. 

“Life is unpredictable, and we could all benefit from preparing more thoughtfully—especially when in conversation with others about their healing journeys. 

Sometimes, in our excitement about a method we’ve discovered or designed that seems to be working, we may forget that if the goal is true connection—and the other person is open to support—we need to pause and consider what’s behind the statement: ‘You should be done healing by now.’ That reaction may reveal more about emotional discomfort than a real opportunity for dialogue.”

May we continue to explore and learn from one another as new and unpredictable seasons unfold. I remain committed to working responsibly and humbly before offering any method, and I sincerely wish my fellow practitioners continued success in helping others heal through life’s most difficult moments.

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